and some people don't

Have had some short exchanges with people that call themselves friends recently, that really cheesed me off. A sample:
SF: (after n weeks/ months of no contact, where n > 3) You leaving the country yet?
Me: No. I already told you, not anytime soon...
SF: Ok. Let me know when you do
Me: Duh I will! Really now --
SF: Kthxbye

Yes, I am still around. Not leaving anytime soon, so if that's all you came to ask, you can go away now and I will be sure to let you know -before- I leave. So you can come and "pay your respects" and go away feeling like a "friend" because you've done your dues.

Time and again I get the same response to this: "Please lah" or "Oh come on"... which I really really HATE, cos to me it reflects people's attitude towards interpersonal relationships in general.

Offhand, and a fat load of nothing going on. Basically, I-really-don't-care-that-much-that-you-care.


What are friends if they are not involved in each others' lives? My friends asking me about when I was leaving was really the equivalent of asking "Are you still alive?... Ok, let me know when you're dead then." Which, if we're not careful, we could really be doing that in a few decades' time.

It puzzles me HOW people can call themselves each others' friends anymore. Yes, there are close friends and then there are casual acquaintances (e.g. your insurance agent, whom you really wouldn't mind if they were less regular about their annual "are you dead" type enquiries). I'm not saying that you can't call yourself my friend if you don't know my favourite food (hmmm actually, shame on you... heh). But if you've been slack on updating duties, then at least have the decency to admit it and don't come under the pretence that you care. Don't give me that BS about how people can not see each other for years and years and then reconnect like best friends. I haven't found a way to maintain any good relationship without mutual sharing and exchanges on each others' lives (a relationship without work is like... chocolate without cacao? ie, white chocolate, or not the real thing). Surely it is not a choice of 2 real friends to be strung across different continents and/or time zones without any interaction at all for any extended period... the quality of any relationship is how much time and effort you sow into it.

Sure, one can offer the excuse of limited time and energy. But, darling, we ALL have those limits. I think the root of our loveless, commitment-less "friendships" is FEAR. Fear of putting themselves out there for other people, of rejection, of being taken advantage of, of not having enough time to oneself or to the precious few we've decided are worthy of our presence (mind, spirit and soul). It is frustrating, fulsome fear that stops us helping that stranger on the bus, or cracking a hint of a smile at the hapless cleaning lady (we avert our gazes with a studied stoicism which I still find quite funny).

And yet how rewarding it is to eat and talk, laugh and cry, and experience different things together. I know that in reaching out, I've made some friends that I'll hang out with, and keep sharing my life with, til the day I die.

There really aren't any guarantees when it comes to other human beings. But I think the potential reciprocation might be worth putting ourselves, and our fears, on the line... hope is what we have to live for, no?